Hope is coming.

In this post Mary reflects on her own personal experiences in relation to a client.

I recently visited a client of mine, who since sustaining his TBI in mid life has developed a significant reliance on his now elderly mum for all things practical and emotional. Recently his mum started to experience some ill health and subsequently a significant level of anxiety on behalf of my client, fearful of having to live life and all the complexities associated with this, without his most closest ally and rock. This got me thinking about my role as an OT and how we are perfectly placed to support the exploration of opportunities outside the persons traditional support network, and the value in addressing this benefitting resilience and strength. I myself has suffered a traumatic event recently, with the death of my mother and I wanted to reflect on the helpful and not so helpful aspects of grief progression I have experienced and whether protective resources can be helpful in the face of trauma or grief. My key reflections from this experience include -        

 The need for a stable and secure environment, one where I felt safe, where I didn’t need to explain or present in a certain way. An environment where I didn’t need to discuss or explore my feelings in settings where I would feel vulnerable. Grading time away from this secure environment also became important, as I was aware my preference might encourage reclusiveness. I had to work hard at this, feeling vulnerable and raw at times, however with an awareness of the importance of stepping back into my previous life and a sense of “normality”

Recognising that grief is not linear, and emotional fluctuations are normal. I cannot comment on the number of times I said out loud “but I was ok yesterday, why am I crying again today?” A friend told me to “be kind” to myself, small but powerful sentiment - I need to remember and practice this this more.

Having a hobby or interest I can go to, to allow me to disengage and find joy, mine is clubbercise and yoga, challenging but not cognitively intense, I experience positive distraction and moments of joy, ensuring I am actively healing my body and mind.     

Regularly reflecting on my journey, even though there are hiccups in the road, I am able to pinpoint small progressions for example, I can now listen to certain music more in fondness than tears.

Mindfulness, mine is walking in nature with the dog – listening out for the birds or noticing the buds on the trees that weren’t there last week. The sights and smell of spring, allowing me to breath and move forward. My loss, like a lot of other’s was unplanned, however the use of OT skills in planning, ensuring stability, considering the security of environment, activities and leisure, alongside mindfulness practice and exercise can ensure a safer place to stand with more resilience towards potential loss and grief. Hope is coming….